Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Definition of Insanity

We all know that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing the same way over and over and expecting different results. When it comes to dating/relationships I have been, by true definition of the word, insane. I thought by now I'd have gained some sort of universal knowledge that were all supposed to learn in our twenties. But here I sit in my last precious year of this decade and yet I can't see much of a difference in my approach between now and when I was a younger. It has finally hit me that I need to change my approach to change my results. What I want hasn't changed, so I had been doing the same things, and behaving the same way because I thought that was the only path to take. I honestly feel like I have just found and clicked the "alternate route" button on my heart's GPS......


Tuesday, December 21, 2010

No, I'm not dead, but I am feeling a little bloggy...

Hello followers! Hmmmm, thought I died right? Me too. But I didn't. *Whew* That's a relief. Although, the last few months have not been entirely pleasurable. I'll try to catch you up and yet not bore you to death whilst at the same time avoiding a novel-esque blog post.
Challenge........ accepted!

So, I bet you're probably wondering: "If she wasn't dead, where the hell has she been?!" right? Well this little blogger has been doing a whole lot of......wait for it.......job hunting. Oh yes, its a thrilling experience, let me tell you. Countless applications, multiple interviews and yet, I am STILL unemployed. It's ubber frustrating and with every passing day the panhandlers down the street look like they have it made. They make their own hours, they get to travel, they get to interact with people daily, they get paid in cash AND food and they don't have to answer to anyone. I mean, I haven't created an actual cardboard sign of my own yet, but I can't lie and say the design ideas haven't crossed my mind in fleeting thought. (I was thinking of using glitter, ya know, for pizazz). Anyway, I know that I will get a job. It's just a matter of time. Until then it's open season in the job market and I'm a determined hunter (camouflage and all).

It's true that things haven't quite gone how I'd hoped they would, but I believe they are happening just as they should. I'm guessing it's because MY plan wasn't quite what HIS plan was. Ultimately, HE wins (He ALWAYS wins somehow), and some things that I was hoping to accomplish may have to be postponed. Not cancelled, just postponed.

Dating Update: I deleted my online dating profile. It may try it out again in a few months, but I just couldn't tolerate the level of stupidity held by a lot of those "fish". So, for the last 3 months I have steered clear of the sea and retired (Brett Favre style) from fishing. It's actually kind of nice for the time being, regardless of what a few of my friends/acquaintances responses have been when I told them. "But the holidays are coming up! Don't you want a boyfriend during Christmas and New Years?" or "Why not wait till after the holidays? Wont you be lonely? " and the best of all "But if you date someone over the holidays you'll get a Christmas present and you'll have someone to kiss at midnight on New Years Eve. Don't you want that?". The thing is, as much as I know they just want me to be happy and have someone to share the holidays with, they can't seem to understand that I'm perfectly happy being single. Yes, you read that correctly but feel free to re-read that last line if you didn't comprehend it the first time. It's not that I don't want those things or someone special in my life, but I am not going to settle for just anyone so as not to be alone. I could list a million reasons why the single life is great, but again, trying to avoid a novel-esque type blog here so I digress. Basically, I don't need a man to have a Merry Christmas and I know that if I don't have someone to kiss at midnight, 2011 is still going to be a kick ass year for me simply because: I AM AWESOME.

Weight Loss Update: Well, good news and bad news on this front kids. You see, during the 1st week of November yours truly was jogging to cross the street and wasn't paying attention to where she was placing her feet. My left foot hit a small pothole that was just deep enough and placed just so that my ankle gave way as soon as I bared weight on that leg. I heard a lovely *POP* and with that, successfully sprained my ankle. Leave it to me to only ever really NEED health insurance when I don't have it. I googled and WebMD'd the crap out of "sprained ankle treatment" and proceeded to self diagnose and treat it my self. It became swollen, bruised and ugly and I was immobile for 2 weeks. It still hasn't completely healed and honestly that ankle looks bigger than the other, but once I'm insured I'll have it checked out by a REAL doctor. (Yes, I promise). Anyway, after being immobile for those 2 weeks it took 2 more weeks of just walking before I was brave enough to try a run. It went okay, but I'm not ready for any races just yet. One would think that spending roughly 6 weeks without any kind of real, meaningful exercise would cause one to gain weight, right? Well not this girl. Somehow, between not exercising and being WAY of plan (I have been a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad WWer) I have still managed to maintain the same weight!(Side Note: I hit my one year of maintaining the same weight the very week I sprained my ankle. I'm still not at goal, but I will get there.) I'm considering this miracle a gift from God in exchange for everything else that isn't going my way. Hey, He kinda owes me.

So other than not working, injuring myself and not exercising, I have been able to spend a lot of time with my family and friends. Nothing is better than watching (or crying over) football with my little brother on Sunday's or having lunch with a girlfriends or hanging out with a really cool kid while baking cookies and doing crafts. Moral of the story kids is this: even if you feel that things are as bad as they can get and nothing is going your way, there is always a silver lining. Family who loves you, friends that make you laugh and most importantly, the hope of tomorrow being better and brighter.

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year.

2011- Prepare to be pwned.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Online Dating...oh yeah, I went there

I have been in the online dating world for a few months..... okay well almost 10 months, but who's counting right? Anyway, at first I was skeptical, as most people probably are, but after my history with men and relationships I figured it was worth a shot. Plus, I have numerous friends that have tried it and it turned into the best decision of their lives. If they can find a lifetime of happiness (and such wonderful men), why can't I?

I admit that at first I definitely didn't take it seriously. I went on a few dates from the first site I joined and I had a pretty good time but found no real connection. In fact, one of those first dates provided me with the online dating scenario I had expected (and feared): a decent first date, which was followed by the guy going psycho for no reason. In this particular case, I was called a f-ing crazy c*unt (via text message mind you) because I was on a phone call and didn't answer when he beeped through. Did I mention we had only been on one date? After that fantastic experience I steered clear of the online world for a while. I kept my profile open and checked my messages on a rare occasion, but I was not ready to give it another go.

I kept pretty busy with other things in life and after several months I decided to try my luck on yet another site. I've been on a few dates from this one and luckily I haven't (yet) run into the same psycho-guy scenario. In fact, I actually made a friend. Who would have guessed? But truth is, I haven't met anyone from either site that's had the capability for a relationship. Maybe I'm not using these sites to their full potential. Maybe I'm being too picky. Or maybe it's not me, it's them. I know what you're thinking, it's easier to put the blame on someone else, but truth be told, they really make it easy. Let me give you some examples of the types of men that have contacted me and WHY they aren't getting anywhere:

His email would seem much more sincere if he WASN'T YELLING AT ME BY WRITING THE WHOLE THING IN CAPS!

My response: We're not in a club, this is email- you don't have to YELL to get your message across.

The Guy Who Lacks Any Punctuation and Proper Capitalization
his email is a paragraph long run on sentence that leads from one subject to another without pause or question because he feels that his thoughts are too important to be interrupted by something as trivial as a period or comma or any other method also because he has so much to tell me about himself that he is afraid i might stop reading if i hit the end of what should be a sentence and so on and so on

My response: I am visualizing him trying to say all of this in one breath and really quickly (a la Micro Machine Guy circa 1980's) then passing out due to lack of oxygen. Not attractive and it gives me a headache.

The Guy Who Emails in "Txt" Lingo
His email usually goes something like this: How r u? I'm looking 4 a girl like u!

My response: I could maybe (and I stress MAYBE) understand if this were a text or twitter message and you were limited on characters, but it's an email and you have a plethora of space. Please show that you have some intelligence by using the space given to s-p-e-l-l out all of the actual words.

The Guy Who Can't Handle Rejection
His first email comes along and he seems really nice but just not my type. One of two things happen next: (A) I ignore it because I've checked his profile and I'm not interested or (B) After checking his profile, I respond politely thanking him for the compliments but explain that I'm not interested and I wish him luck on the site. My reply (or lack there of) has sent him off on a tizzy resulting in an email response from him that's somewhere along these lines: "Girls always say they want nice guys until a nice guy is interested in them, then they don't. I think you want to be treated like crap. You don't know what a good thing is, but you would if you gave a guy a chance. Instead you're a stuck up bitch that thinks she's too good for everybody. Good luck finding anyone up there on you're high horse princess".

My response: Who pissed in your cheerios dude? Welcome to online dating- or dating PERIOD for that matter. I don't have to be interested in you and I sure as hell am not obligated to respond. When I do, I do it out of courtesy and respect, but you just ruined that. Not everyone is going to be interested in you, but that doesn't make us stuck up bitches. Rejection blows, but if you're gonna play the game you'll need to put on your big boy panties and deal with it. As for me, I need to go find my horse.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The Only Thing Certain in Life is Change....

Sometimes the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Such is the story of my life. Unfortunately, I did not get to run the 5K Saturday as I had planned; in fact nothing lately has gone as planned. Friday brought along a major life change for me and I have since been working on what I am considering my "comeback". Comeback from what you might ask? For this girl, it's from a life of zombie living (see previous post for definition). I was doing pretty well, moving right along through life in a way that I was comfortable with. But since when does comfortable = happy? I was content with my job because it provided me an opportunity to rebuild my life, but ultimately it didn't provide me with the fulfillment I needed. Thanks to recent events I have had an opportunity to re-evaluate the direction my life is going.

It's one thing to have a dream and a whole other thing to pursue it. How many of us out there chased our dream or are doing something truly fulfilling with our lives? If you're not but had the opportunity to do so, would you? What if it meant living outside of your comfort zone for a while? Today I am faced with such a decision. I am both terrified and excited at the possibilities that lie ahead.

Since Friday, I have been collecting all the information I need to make a truly informed decision. Anyone who knows me knows that's my process for EVERYTHING (from buying a grill to making a career change). I never want to look back on any decision with regret.

So here I am, at the fork in the road to my future. Where it leads hasn't been completely decided.....but I can tell you that my internal compass (heart) is pulling me in a certain direction.

Needless to say, some announcements are to be expected soon. Stay tuned for the adventure!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

5K, Zombies and an Enriched Life

I have committed myself to getting fit. This Saturday is my very first 5K and I will be running for the Tampa Police Officers Memorial Fund. They risk their lives everyday for us, so the least I can do is run for them, right? I am both excited and nervous. To date my longest straight run is 2.55mi. I am hoping to push it to 3mi tonight or more. I will take tomorrow as a rest day and Friday I will do some speed walking with light weights- just enough to stay loose (and earn some APs). I don't want to risk hurting anything before Saturday.
After taking a look at where my life is currently, I realized I have NO excuse to NOT be fit. I'm not in a relationship that requires any of my time, I don't have any pets to take care of, and other than the occasional night out with friends or Football Sunday, the only thing I do is work. So.....what have I been doing with my time? I call it Zombie Living. Going thru the motions without a purpose and I have nothing to show for it. On top of running I am currently looking for hobbies that not only take up time, but serve a purpose and enrich my life in some way. I have come up with 2 things:

1) Dedicate myself to fully learning Spanish (I had a great start but I have slacked). I am currently looking for a school in Tampa or other method to get started.
2) Really learn to dance. I love music and I love to dance so it's a natural choice. I am looking into taking Salsa lessons which will hopefully lead me into other forms of dance.

I am giving myself a deadline of November 1st to find ways to do both. I don't want to look back on my life and say I wasted any of my time. One day I hope to be married and have children, but for now, this is my ME time and I want it to be memorable. No regrets. No more Zombie Living.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Reality Bites...

...and it leaves a mark in the form of lines around my belly from my pants getting a little snug.

What happened to the good little WW girl from a year ago? The one who was so disciplined and driven that NOTHING could stand in her way? I've been looking for a while now, and I think I found her today at my weigh in. She was hidden in that ugly number that popped up on the scale.

It's time for me to kick it back into gear and get excited the way I used to. My new week starts today and I have preplanned and pretracked all food and activity for today. I WILL go for a run after work. The funny thing is I been noticing a difference in myself while being off plan. I was happier when I was getting results and following the plan.....so why did I stop? I could give you a MILLION excuses, but non of them are acceptable.

No more excuses.

Game on....

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Who am I? Well, how much time do you have?

Hi there. For those of you who may not know me my name is Jessica, but I usually go by Jess. I am a nearing-30 single gal in search of many of the same things you probably are: love, happiness, knowledge, wealth and health. Even though I dont know you all that well yet I am going to share with you one of the most important things I have learned to date: even though we are all trying to achieve the same things, we're each taking our own, very different path. That doesn't mean I will get there first or I will never get there; it simply means that there is no "specific" path required to do so. That's pretty darn amazing. This blog is about my path, or as I like to call it, my journey. Little pieces of my day to day life that are the steeping stones to all of those things I hope to achieve. I hope you enjoy getting to know me, but I must warn you: I am sarcastic at times, I will get angry at things, I may make you cry and I may even make you laugh so hard you wee in your pants (it's happened once and by law I must include it in the warning). Also, this is my first real attempt at a blog, so be nice. It will get better in time. Just do me a favor and save the haterade for someone who does you dirty.