Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Online Dating...oh yeah, I went there

I have been in the online dating world for a few months..... okay well almost 10 months, but who's counting right? Anyway, at first I was skeptical, as most people probably are, but after my history with men and relationships I figured it was worth a shot. Plus, I have numerous friends that have tried it and it turned into the best decision of their lives. If they can find a lifetime of happiness (and such wonderful men), why can't I?

I admit that at first I definitely didn't take it seriously. I went on a few dates from the first site I joined and I had a pretty good time but found no real connection. In fact, one of those first dates provided me with the online dating scenario I had expected (and feared): a decent first date, which was followed by the guy going psycho for no reason. In this particular case, I was called a f-ing crazy c*unt (via text message mind you) because I was on a phone call and didn't answer when he beeped through. Did I mention we had only been on one date? After that fantastic experience I steered clear of the online world for a while. I kept my profile open and checked my messages on a rare occasion, but I was not ready to give it another go.

I kept pretty busy with other things in life and after several months I decided to try my luck on yet another site. I've been on a few dates from this one and luckily I haven't (yet) run into the same psycho-guy scenario. In fact, I actually made a friend. Who would have guessed? But truth is, I haven't met anyone from either site that's had the capability for a relationship. Maybe I'm not using these sites to their full potential. Maybe I'm being too picky. Or maybe it's not me, it's them. I know what you're thinking, it's easier to put the blame on someone else, but truth be told, they really make it easy. Let me give you some examples of the types of men that have contacted me and WHY they aren't getting anywhere:

His email would seem much more sincere if he WASN'T YELLING AT ME BY WRITING THE WHOLE THING IN CAPS!

My response: We're not in a club, this is email- you don't have to YELL to get your message across.

The Guy Who Lacks Any Punctuation and Proper Capitalization
his email is a paragraph long run on sentence that leads from one subject to another without pause or question because he feels that his thoughts are too important to be interrupted by something as trivial as a period or comma or any other method also because he has so much to tell me about himself that he is afraid i might stop reading if i hit the end of what should be a sentence and so on and so on

My response: I am visualizing him trying to say all of this in one breath and really quickly (a la Micro Machine Guy circa 1980's) then passing out due to lack of oxygen. Not attractive and it gives me a headache.

The Guy Who Emails in "Txt" Lingo
His email usually goes something like this: How r u? I'm looking 4 a girl like u!

My response: I could maybe (and I stress MAYBE) understand if this were a text or twitter message and you were limited on characters, but it's an email and you have a plethora of space. Please show that you have some intelligence by using the space given to s-p-e-l-l out all of the actual words.

The Guy Who Can't Handle Rejection
His first email comes along and he seems really nice but just not my type. One of two things happen next: (A) I ignore it because I've checked his profile and I'm not interested or (B) After checking his profile, I respond politely thanking him for the compliments but explain that I'm not interested and I wish him luck on the site. My reply (or lack there of) has sent him off on a tizzy resulting in an email response from him that's somewhere along these lines: "Girls always say they want nice guys until a nice guy is interested in them, then they don't. I think you want to be treated like crap. You don't know what a good thing is, but you would if you gave a guy a chance. Instead you're a stuck up bitch that thinks she's too good for everybody. Good luck finding anyone up there on you're high horse princess".

My response: Who pissed in your cheerios dude? Welcome to online dating- or dating PERIOD for that matter. I don't have to be interested in you and I sure as hell am not obligated to respond. When I do, I do it out of courtesy and respect, but you just ruined that. Not everyone is going to be interested in you, but that doesn't make us stuck up bitches. Rejection blows, but if you're gonna play the game you'll need to put on your big boy panties and deal with it. As for me, I need to go find my horse.


  1. Love the last response! You'll find a good one, it always happens when you least expect it.

  2. I Love your posts, I look forward to reading more!!! You're a great writer Jess!

  3. THIS WAS A CUTE POST. Oh, wait... I thought we were in a club. My bad...